5 Stress Busting Tips for the Sandwich Generation
A quickly rising demographic already accounts for about 47 percent of adults aged 35-50 who are caring for a parent 70 or older and are also raising a youngster or supporting a grown child. In fact, one in seven of these adults are financially assisting both their parents and one or more children. However, there are many scenarios in this situation, and aging and elder care experts offer three roles that those in the sandwich generation typically fall into:
The Traditional Sandwich Generation — Adults typically in their late 30s, 40s, or early 50s sandwiched between their elderly parents and their children who both need financial or other assistance.
The Club Sandwich Generation — Older adults in their 50 or 60s who are wedged between aging parents, their adult children and possibly grandchildren. This term can also refer to younger adults in their 30s or 40s who have younger children, elderly parents and aging grandparents.
The Open Faced Sandwich Generation — Anyone who's non-professionally involved in elder care, which is an estimated 25% of individuals at some point in their lives.
The term ‘sandwich generation' is becoming so commonplace that it was added to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary in 2006. However, the dictionary fails to mention the heavy financial and emotional stress that being a part of this generation can cause on caregivers.
5 Stress Busting Tips for Members of the Sandwich Generation
The primary mission of a caregiver is to keep everyone safe, happy and healthy. However, they often neglect to care for their own needs. Fortunately, these tips can help reduce stress in the family, help relieve financial burdens and promote a more positive experience.
1: Get everyone’s finances out in the open
It’s foolish to make a plan without the proper information. But when it comes to money, a lot can stay hidden. Can you honestly say without having a difficult conversation you have any clue as to how much your parents have ever earned or how much they have saved?
It is also just as important to clearly outline where money is going. Just because I’m responsible for paying all the bills doesn’t mean it’s “my money.” Even when they cede many (if not all) financial decisions to a loved one, you must respect that the savings they have built over a lifetime.
2: Seek out the right professionals and organizations for help
Unless you’re a financial and legal wiz — and an ace social worker to boot — there’s no way you can manage the myriad affairs of your life, let alone your parents’ lives. If you haven’t already, you’ll want to consider working with a financial adviser for everything from retirement to college planning. (I currently work with an adviser suggested to me by a trusted friend, but if you’re lacking for a recommendation, consider working with an adviser who has the CFP — or Certified Financial Planner — designation, since it’s considered something of the gold standard in the industry). An estate attorney is also invaluable: For a variety of reasons, you’ll need a will (and so will your parents — mine didn’t have one until I pushed the point). Other documents you’ll likely want prepared by the attorney (for yourself or your parents) are a living will (which helps determine end-of-life care) and a power of attorney (which gives control of your affairs to another person in situations when you’re incapacitated or unavailable).
But the list of professionals doesn’t end there and it can include everyone from accountants to social workers. The key is that you must think of yourself as the coach who calls the plays, but then leaves it to the players (or professionals) to execute. But what if you don’t even have the time to be “the coach”? There’s a solution for that — at least when it comes to your parents. Namely, think about hiring a geriatric care manager who can oversee lots of the details. (The Aging Life Care Association can help you find one.)
You’d also be surprised how much direct help you can get — or referrals to professionals — through government programs or nonprofit organizations. (Best of all: A lot of these resources are free.) A great place to start is your local Area Agency on Aging (these are programs funded through the federal government — the National Association of Area Agencies on Aging can point you to the resources in Bergen County.) Other invaluable resources include disease-based organizations (for example, the Alzheimer’s Association offers a robust array of services) or faith-based ones.
3: Find good care
Finding good at-home care is the single best stress busting tip. It may be something of a cliché to suggest this, but it never hurts to ask friends, family members and neighbors for recommendations. From enjoying the comforts of home to living with the dignity of being more self-sufficient to saving money on housing costs, aging in-place has a slew of benefits. But while it’s relatively easy to find the right caregiver for your individual situation, that’s only half of the equation.
The house itself has to be equipped for both the current needs and the future needs of the person living at home. In some cases that means lowering light switches or building ramps, but in other cases that means having someone regularly scheduled help with lawn care, handyman repairs, cleaning services and more. Living at home doesn’t do much good if your house is falling down around you.
That’s why, Saturday has developed the Senior Home Safety Assessment. But unlike a home inspection the Saturday team then also actually does the work, rather than leaving homeowners to find contractors for each punch-list item. Saturday’s Age Safe team empowers our Home Managers with actionable ways to better help educate clients, older adults and their family members on the serious issues of home safety, fall prevention, fire safety, financial exploitation and personal safety.
When you pair our monthly home maintenance program, with our ability to provide Home Safety Assessments and then complete any needed work, you can see why Saturday is a powerful partner for seniors and families. Whether it is modifications, handyman services, cleaning or just changing light bulbs and light chores, Saturday can offer peace of mind to anyone aging in place or caring for a loved one.
4: Make time for yourself
There will be times when you might feel like you don’t have enough time to give to yourself much less the people who need you. Especially on the weekends. It turns out that guilt comes with the territory of living in the sandwich generation. “No matter how much you do, it’s never going to feel like enough,” says Jed Levine, an executive vice president with the New York chapter of the Alzheimer’s Association. But most caregiving experts I spoke with insisted there’s no reason to feel guilty. If anything, they say it’s important to recharge your physical and mental batteries so you can continue to be there for the people who need your help.
5: And love your loved ones
As much of a challenge as it is taking on added responsibility, these are the people in life who mean the most. As a member of the sandwich generation, I have come to realize that my daily “burden” is also a daily reminder of how blessed I truly am.
Shameless plug:
Saturday exclusively serves Bergen County residents, providing a helping hand around the house – inside and out. Saturday’s services include tackling to-do list chores, handyman services, house cleaning, maintenance, yard work, senior home modifications and seasonal projects, all handled by a dedicated Home Manager, through monthly or quarterly programs. Saturday’s one-call-does-it-all approach to home care services also means that seniors and loved ones can call one trusted company to take care of the entire home.
So, before you schedule the tour of that facility down the street, take some time to consider whether hiring an at-home Caregiver and bringing in a Home Manager might be a better fit.
